Crohns, living with not suffering from.

I thought I would write today about having Chrons Disease. I  was diagnosed in October of 2005, after a long laundry list of tests and accusations.  Crohn's disease, also known as regional enteritis, is an inflammatory disease of the intestines that may affect any part of the gastrointestinal tract from mouth to anus, causing a wide variety of symptoms. It primarily causes abdominal pain, diarrhea, vomiting, or weight loss, but may also cause complications outside the gastrointestinal tract such as skin rashes, arthritis, inflammation of the eye, tiredness, and lack of concentration.
Crohn's disease is thought to be an autoimmune disease, in which the body's immune system attacks the gastrointestinal tract, causing inflammation; it is classified as a type of inflammatory bowel disease. There is evidence of a genetic link to Crohn's disease, putting individuals with siblings afflicted with the disease at higher risk. It is thought to have a large environmental component as evidenced by a higher incidence in western industrialized nations compared to other parts of the world. Males and females are equally affected. Smokers are two times more likely to develop Crohn's disease than nonsmokers. Crohn's disease tends to present initially in the teens and twenties, with another peak incidence in the fifties to seventies, although the disease can occur at any age.
There is no known pharmaceutical or surgical cure for Crohn's disease. Treatment options are restricted to controlling symptoms, maintaining remission, and preventing relapse.
I lived in California alone, going to school, when I was diagnosed. I was accused of being anorexic, eating and purging, and not really being that sick. I had two colonoscopy, an upper G.I, Barrium X-Ray and numerous blood draws. It was finally discovered that I have Crohns in more that one place in my intestine. Finally in November 2005 I had to move home from California because I was so sick. A week before Christmas I was put in the hospital because I was so sick. I weighed 97lb, pale, and cold all the time. I was put on all kinds of medications including steroids, which made me CRAZY. In 2007 a Dr put me on a high does of Pentasa, which in the end gave my asthma, which sucks when you enjoy running. Luckily being preggo has helped put my Crohns on the back burner. There are some foods that still make me sick, but I can handle puking once a week compared to many times a day. I have noticed over the last month my symptoms are more prominate and it is prolly because the hormones from being preggo are finally leaving my body. There is no cure and no really good pharmaceutical treatment. I try to control my symptoms on my own. I will write more on my crohns, sometime I would like to give everyone the whole back story on getting diagnosed. As for now I will continue to live with, not suffer from Crohns!!!!

I am gonna barf!!!

Ok so I am so tired of people and all their fakie fake ness. We have so many friends who put on a huge front about how awesome their life is. They pertend they have a perfect marriage, no money problems, and love everything about them selfs. It is annoying because Chris and I wear our lives on our sleeves, not only through this blog but in general. If we are not happy or are going through a hard time we are in no way ashamed to tell anyone. I get annoyed when people who we know have lots of problems look down on us for our problems. They talk about us like we are horrible people and the only people in the world who have issues. I think admitting our problems and being very open about them is one of the best things about our marriage. See Chris or I will never be scarred to tell each other when we have a problem because we talk. We don't yell, accuse, point fingers, we just talk. I get tired of people telling me they know exactly how I feel when there are issues, but I never feel like they do. Very few of my friends ever tell me their problems, they just put on a happy face, so when they tell me they understand what I am going through I say"ya ok". I like that my blog and my family is relatable, when I know people I understand it is because I do, and they know I do. I guess all I am trying to say is I don't understand why everyone pertends their life is wonderful all the time, we all know its not. No ones life is perfect all the time, it the times it is perfect that gets us through the imperfect times. Don't be scarred to call a friend and vent, you may feel silly, but I am will to bet a million dollars that they have been there before too. I choose to put it all out there, I don't put on a fake happy face, I never will. If you ever need someone to talk to, call me, I don't judge and I don't tell others, and guaranteed I have been there before!!!!

Do I stop Blogging?

It was brought to my attention that some people are upset about my blog about Chris and the things that took place the last time he watched the kids. They feel I am portraying Chris in a negative way, and that I need to think about this before I put it out there for people to read. I knew people were upset and that phone calls / texts / messages were sent out about it because this blog and this blog alone had twice as many readers as normal. I am sorry if you do not like what I said but it was the truth, it was how I felt, it was my reaction to the situation. If had wrote my blog today, after talking to Chris and cooling off a little, it would be the same. I have been told I am a bad wife for writing about him like that. If people are so concerned about what they are reading why don't they call Chris? What don't they send a message? I don't make things up, I don't exaggerate the truth. It is what it is.
What most people don't understand is I am home ALONE 24-7 for weeks at a time with my kids. I am so so lonely and need a place to vent, let it out, and share things that happen through out my day. This is MY place to do that. If you don't like it don't read it. I have contemplated not blogging at all, or not blogging personal things. That defeats the purpose of MY blog. Chris doest care what I write, and if he didn't want family or the world to know something he would tell me and I wouldn't post it.
I feel super bad for Chris he is always in the middle of me and his family. Nothing I do is right, I have a good few months and then something like this happens and I become the devil again. Some people could get away with murder, and I cannot even write a blog. Instead of contacting everyone you know to read something you disapprove of, call Chris and make sure things are ok. Don't use your anger against my blog to excuse his horrible actions.
You can draw what ever conclusion that you want from what you read, but like Chris even said if you are that concerned or you don't like what is going on call him. I will not apologize for the things I said. Like I said before I am always in the wrong, no matter what I do it is always my fault, and Chris ends up in the middle.
If you don't like my blog don't read it, and if you are concerned call Chris, not everyone on earth telling them to read what the devil wrote. When will it end?????????

She Woman, Man Hater Club

So I have been doing a lot of husband bashing lately, so I thought it was time to write about all the things that make Chris so awesome. I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea. We have our ups and downs, but we survive. We have our difference but we bounce back. here are all the awesome things chris does that make me so happy to be with him.
He is a good dad. I know we just had a horrible, unacceptable incident, but he really is a good dad. He loves his kiddos. He loves to take Teagan out and spend one on one time with him. He plays with not only our kids but other peoples kids. He doesn't care if he look silly as long as the kids are happy. He would give up his jeep crap to make things better for our kids.
He is an awesome husband. Like I said before we have our ups and downs, but the great thing about chris is the way he communicates with me. In listening to my friends not many men do this. Communication is one of the most important things in a marriage. I know i can tell Chris when I am upset with him and vice-a-versa and instead of it turning into a fight we talk it out. We don't always agree but we come to some understanding. We don't yell, we don't get to personal, we talk and once it is over, its over. He lets me have time with my friends and alone. He thinks and knows what I do at home with the kids is just as important as what he does.
He is not romantic in the least, but he does do some sweet things. He says "I love you babe" every night before he goes to sleep when is isn't home. He says when he has a roommate he whispers it because he doesn't want anyone to get the wrong idea. LOL
I love my husband, I am lucky to have him. There are times I could kill him, but that's normal we are married! We have a lot of stress in our lives, three kids, a mortgage, bills, and we are young. But we will make it, we love each other and that pretty much all that matters.

Dad out of controll.

As a note I would like to say if you are a huge "Chris Fan" you may not want to read this as it is about to get Ghetto!!!!!
You should be able to leave you kiddos with their dad and expect them to be cared for in the same loving way you would Right?? I know Chris will probably never do things the way I do, or do as much as I do but he should at least take care of the kids with the same level of love and caution as I do. NOT THE CASE!!!
Here is what happened. I went to work in the morning, then to lunch with a friend, then to get my hair done. My hair took longer than I expected(but it turned out amazing), so that's ok. So at 1pm I texted chris to take things out for dinner, there was no response so I figured he was getting kids down for nap. No big deal. Well at 3pm I called because the kids should have been waking up and I wanted to make sure he got my text. Well there was no answer so I call the house..no answer. Finally at 3:30 I have to call the neighbor to go check on them. She rings the door bell numorus times...no answer. So she goes in and the kids are all in bed screaming and chris is on the couch sleeping. She wakes him up and he calls me. I am now a little upset, but whatever.
Then at 5pm I text chris that I am running late and give him directions to cook dinner.  Ok no big deal. Then I call him on my way home at 6:15........ No kids had been fed. Well the girls go to bed at 7pm so there is no point in feeding them now. At this point I find it a little funny that their own dad had no clue to feed them. Until I get home.........The girls are inside SCREAMING to the point of throwing up, still in their P.J's dirty and smelly. Chris is out side with his brother trying to weld the lawn mower bag back together so he can borrow it. NO LONGER FUNNY. I AM PISSED. Once I see the girls I start crying because obviously no one changed their diaper after nap, no one fed them. They had been neglected, and left in the house alone for God noes how long. I change them get them bottles and get them in bed. Chris comes in and finally makes teagan some dinner and says "why are you so mad at me"... WTF REALLY?? WHY???? SO I say " I am upset I had to have the neighbor come over and get you up" He say " It not MY fault my phone was no vibrate". Ok you are right is not you fault, it only your phone, you have no control over it. Then I say "I am mad because you didn't feed the kids" He says "The other night you said it was so convenient when we ate together, I figured you wanted to wait". What a lame ass excuse. He neglected our kids. Not only did he not feed, not change diapers, but he left the girls inside alone screaming. He should have told his brother to wait, or use the lawnmower with out the bag, or by your own f'ing mower!!! NOT OK. I feel so guilty and bad for leaving my kids, and I should never have to feel that way. I am so mad at Chris, I don't even want to be around him. Those kids are my world and they should be his too. From here on out I will be hiring a babysitter, even when Chris is home, and he will not be taking any of the kids out for one on one time. I will not allow my kids to be treated this way again. He is the dad, what was he thinking. There is NO EXCUSE!!!!!!!

Crazy, Probally!

I feel a little crazy tonight, or maybe I am sane and everyone els is crazy. I really think people have lots their common sense and common courtesy. First off I want to say if you need to borrow something from some one don't text them and say "I need to borrow your .........". Say "Could I please borrow your......... again" I am leaving blanks so no one feels targeted. Also don't expect some one with three kids under three to respond to you right away, actually you will probably have to remind me again. See I am really busy, I know for some this comes as a surprise. I think some of you think I just sit around and hang out, I DON'T!!!! There has not been one day this week I have just been home all day. Here is what I have done..... Monday: Moms Club meeting 10:30am, then home to try and spend time with Chris before he leaves. Tuesday: Speech therapy 9-10, drop kids at sitter and work from 10:30-11:30, get home get kids in bed for nap, get them up work at gym from 6pm-8pm, home and bed. Wednesday: Gym 9-10:30, Park 10:30 -12. Home for naps. Then after nap dinner, baths, and bed. Thursday: Work 9-1, home for naps, then work at the gym from 4pm-8pm. Friday: Gym 9am-10:30, Mall 10:30-12had to finally get mothers day stuff because I got paid and we finally had money. Than home for naps. Saturday Work at the Gym 8am -12am, then home for naps. Remember in all this time I am taking care of three kids and doing everything BY MY SELF. So I am sorry if I don't return your text, but I am busy. You have no right to be rude about it. Second if you want to borrow something you should make sure to return it in better shape that you received it. Example.....full take of gas, no dead batteries, and returned in a timely manner. I feel like no matter what I do it gives certain people something to talk about. Even if I had returned your text, I am sure when you came to get my item I would have looked mean, said something you didn't like, or you will find something els to talk about. So many of you are nice to my face and then you talk behind my back, and I know this for sure, because some people were pleasantly surprised I wasn't the bitch I was made out to be. So go ahead hate me, talk about me, I must be doing something right for you to spend so much time thinking about me. All I ask is that you have some common courtesy!!

 I LOVE HATERS!!!!!!

I gotta PEE!!!!!

Wow people amaze me so so much.....
Yesterday I was working at City Market in Clifton doing some merchandising. I want to say every time I go in there I see interesting people and the store always smells funny. This one lady in particular just stunned me. All I could do was walk away. She was standing in the isle talking to her daughter who was seated in the front of the cart. The little girl says "mom I have to pee" and the mom says "I know so does mommy, but if we keep walking mommy is going to pee her pants" I continue working as she continues to talk "we are just going to stand here for a little big because mommy is going to pee on her self"..... Really lady??.... Ok I know some people have bladder control problems and that is fine, but you do not need to announce it to everyone shopping that you are going to pee on your self. You could have just stood there pertending to look for something. If this is an ongoing problem you can get depends, to bad you didn't get stuck on that isle.
So later that night I had to go work at the gym. I was trying to get both babies who were in the car seat carriers and teagan through two glass double doors, with a giant backpack on my back. When I can push the door it isn't to hard but when I have to pull it open it is hard. My hands are full of babies and teagan could just run if he wanted. Anywho... this lady is standing on the other side of the GLASS door watching me. Once I make it through the door she says "wow you have your hands full". All I could say was yes i do , thank you. Now if we had not been at a place I work I would have said "yes I do and thank you so much for your help with the door". People Comm'on you are killin me!!!!!!!!

Animosity

I have so much animosity and stress I cannot stop crying. I don't even know were to start. I am so so mad at Chris for getting putting us in this position just because he had to have this truck. I could never tell him "NO" you cant buy it. All I could do is give him all the facts including "we cannot afford it" and let him make his own choice. Now he realizes that he should not have bought it, mainly because he doesn't want to work extra. So his week off he went to two dealership to see what they could do. TWO ONLY TWO!!!! Plus all anyone is going to give him is what he owes so we will loose $8,000! AHHHHH
So he did go to work two days early this week, which is good. Then this morning he tells me his boss said they need someone for four days next week. He is hem-hawing about working it. Hello what does we need money mean?? I think him having a month off did real damage. He now wants to just stay home. I have offered to work, but he doesn't want to be a stay at home dad either. WTF!!!!
Chris has no ambition. Last night we were talking about how much the company man makes. I said "hey one day that could be you". He said no way he doesn't want that responsibility. So then I suggested a management position but don't as extreme, no he doesn't want that either. The last company he work for begged him to be a supervisor for two  years straight and he wouldn't do it. Why, why does he have no drive?? He want to save money and get out of the oil field, but to do that he is going t have to move up the food chain and make some money.
If I had a vehicle that was draining us, and I bought it after chris told me we couldn't afford it. I would either work my ass off and pay it off or I would work my ass of to trade it in for something cheaper.
I don't know what we are going to do, I don't know how we are going to make it.
I need some help.I don't know what to do. Advice anyone....