I was not going to share this information with the world, but I have now decided I am going to. Mainly because it has made me think about how fast life can change. This is the hardest blog I have had to write in a long time. I don't share a lot of personal info on here because I don't like people to pity me, but this is a big deal to me, and writing it down may help me process.
WARNING!!! If you are immature or cannot handle talking about a vagina in a non porno way stop reading now. It is about to get real and I don't mean real sexy!!
Ever since having the twins I have had some issues with my ladie parts. Mainly innapproiate bleeding during nakie time, and sometime just for fun i guess. I went to my normal doctor over a year ago and she put me back on birth control for three months. She thought maybe it was just out of whack hormones from having twins. The problem seamed to go away for a while.
Then a couple months ago it happened again. Out of no were my vaj decides to be innapproite, during nakie time...blahhhhh....
Let me tell you, not know if your vaj is going to be normal or bleed when it wants makes life so stressful. 1.I never wanna have nakie time, because it is embarrassing and weird and gross. 2. When it is not nakie time, it just sucks to bleed because your vaj hates you.
Well I went to my OBGYN Dr.Hardin, who I love!!! He has done a few tests and biopsy's and I can back with some Malignancy Neoplasm, which is a big word for cervical cancer. My Dr. thinks he can just remove the spots that test positive. We caught it at the very beginning. In all reality I should go in for my appointment, remove the bad parts and go on with my life.
I feel stupid for being so worked up about this because so many other people go thought so much more with cancer. I just have to have some of my cervix taken out. No chemo, no hair loss, no death, I have it fairly easy. It makes me feel bad for saying anything. I also have a hard time accepting other people worrying about me. I am one of thoes who like to just keep in it and roll with the punches. This is not healthy, I am stressed and that makes my Crohns act up. Getting it out is healthier in the long run.
I am sure everything will go fine and I will be fine. This has all made me realize how fast life can change and how important it is to live your life for you, not for everyone around you. It seams crazy to let this have such a huge impact on my life but it is. Going forward I am going to live life for me, I will no longer have time for drama or bullshit, and I mean it. I am going to do what makes me and my kids happy, end of story. I know this really isn't a big deal, but I could be or if I hadn't gone it really would be. Plus you never know what life will throw at you, and I never want to regret anything!!!
Hey there ladie! Its not crazy to being letting this have a huge impact on your life, its not like this is a cold ya know. Yes you are very lucky to have caught it when you did, it runs in my family something feirce and thank god I haven't tested positive for it, yet. I know you will be fine and I pray everything goes well and that after this it does not come back. No pity from me, just empathy :) Keep your head up say your prayers and everything will turn out like it should! My prayers are with you :)
ReplyDeleteI know you will be fine, but it's okay to be freaked out. I'm freaked out for you. And I'm glad you are going to live life for you - you never know when things will change, so don't waste your time on silliness! I love you and I'm here for whatever. Good and bad. Even if you have less of a cervix, I don't mind.
ReplyDeleteMy heart skipped a beat and I had to read it twice. You are so strong and so soft all at the same time. I want to hold you and keep you safe but you have Chris and your baby's to hold you tight. I love you so much, I'm here if you need anything. Have a really great time in CT.
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